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Sean Rules This Page!!!June 28 An era where geniuses ruled.Wow... It really has been a long time since I blogged here. If you've read previous posts, you'll see alot of the dark and colourless side of me. Where a series of junks that makes me a nobody thrown here. So... I'll just stop blogging here and roll to blogspot instead. seanwongshiuan.blogspot.com. C U Der. May 28 The call.It's been awhile since I got myself drunk and puked in front of someone else's office. I thought I was badly damaged, I thought someone knew I had problems... But... no... My parents didn't find out.
That night, after I've done drying my stomach, I went home feeling defeated. But back at the restaurant, my cousin too went all out with those whiskies. He really got drunk and puked even seriously than me. So serious that he needed to crash a night at the hotel above the restaurant. Summit USJ's hotel.
When my cousin's family went back, my parents, who knew of this puking news, put up a conclusion, that he had problems, alot of problems... But I've just lost a war, I've had 5 packs of whiskies... or 6... I puked, I sat at a corner rumaging my head as the tears flowed... And they didn't see it? I'm having bigger problems and all they bother is him vomitting yellow substance? He had problems and I don't have? Am I not your son? Am I just someone to push around? Do I not have problems? Is his problems so obvious that you only saw his and not mine? Am I nothing but a 19 year illusion? That really cut out my heart...
I'm hoping for a call... A feeling. That will grow into hope, then turn into a quiet thought, then a quiet word. Grow louder and louder that it is a battle cry. I'll go back, when they call me, no need to say goodbye. May 13 Abyss and destruction of a life.How hard could it possibly be? To be at your best when you're doing something that you know REALLY well. Like playing a game of badminton with your friends. You know your friends' badminton level is lower than yours, abit, and you play with all your skill and agility, and in the end, the score is 15-21, you lost. All the frust and the tiredness of losing everytime you play, is going to decrease your morale. And the other things that you do will make you loose mood. Like doing homework. You will be thinking of your lost and won't be able to concentrate on your work and how to win again the next time you play.
But then, is there always a next for everything? Will there be a reset button when the time comes? Can you redo what you did? It's all life as we know. It is because of one loss, we gain something else. This is quoted by Nicholas Zhang in 988 FM. Yes we gain something else. But is that "something else" better than what you wanted? Is the alternative better than the original? Let's just get straight to the point. You did bad in SPM, can you go back in time to resit the exam? No. Oppotunity only comes once in a lifetime. If you've missed it, you've missed it for life. But if you got it, life will be much easier or more successfull.
If we don't talk about SPM, we talk about school exams. If you flung it, there's a next time, but limited. So prepare for the unexpected and take any opportunity you have in life.
I've said these things to myself before... Problem is, an unexpected is always an unexpected. Oppotunity can happen anywhere even the tiniest seconds in our life. Comes in fast and went off with a blink, unable to see it coming. I've been missing opportunities lately. Most of them are crucial to one's life. These opportunities I talked of, is given to many. Many came prepared with a knowledge of what's unexpected. But I? I just lost it.
Those feelings of downfalls and losing battles has come to me. I felt them, and they are painful. I did badly in exams, I've vowed to revive and do better everytime I fell. But this time, I've really lost. Last Saturday was my cousin's wedding. Thinking I would get some beer and get myself drunk, but I ended up getting whisky instead. 5 packs of whisky I've gulped in, bottoms up in an instant, thinking this would help me get drunk faster and make me forget about all of the faillures that ngawed and haunted me for so long. Getting drunk wasn't as easy as it looks. You gotta drink slowly, put in as much whisky as you can, and when you can't stand up to walk even to the toilet, you've been knocked out. By yourself. And your whisky. I didn't get drunk, I was still concious, only dizzy... Thought I can feel what drunks feel. But no, I went for a leak in the toilet. Then the dizziness started to stir even harder. I had to use a basin. And then it all went out. The basin was filled with my dinner, mashed up, almost looked like they were blended. That feeling in the guts filled with intense pain, and the sadness on my chest became tiers and flowed from my eyes. After it's over, you'll think that it's really over. Cause the only thing in your mind now is tryng not to be dizzy or spill again. All the sadness, sorrows and grieves from all over the years had been poured out, into the basin, for now.
You'd still wish you're dead, but you'd still want to live, badly. You'd wish you can fly away, but you don't have wings. You'd wish this is all just a long dream, but you're awake. Basic instinct of a human being. Alcohol is something to add to your weight of problems. So don't use alcohol. Use your mind power to gain control.
April 27 CARE?!There are alot of things in this world where they are not understandable... For instance, why are there stars up in the dark sky. Or why would Mariah Carrey chose "Touch My Body" as the first track for her new "e=mc2" album? Whereas Megan Fox beat her and became the no.1 sexiest woman in the world? Would anybody still "touch her body"??? And why in the world, "touch my body"? Is there no more words?
Which comes to my point. Care. That's right. She chose the name and you're not a part of the production management, why do you care? She's gonna let girls in the world sing her song and tackle guys. Why would you care? Seriously, I wouldn't cared much. But it is indeed quite "stimulating". I remembered my MUET teacher giving us the topic called "We should care in this progressing community. Yes or No?" Most said yes. But reasons must be stated to strenghten the answers. One of my classmates said we should care for the needs of people who are starving at South Africa and eleborated that children are dying because of the lack of care. Then it was my turn. I was trying to say I don't care, but recent happenings called for "yes". It was Wizo, when driving behind me the other day at MRR2, cut off my road when I was about to go into his. His 'childish' action on the road has almost created an accident and I wasn't happy about it. So I used this as a reason for my "yes" answer. I used my negative side to eleborate, started shouting at his actions, as if using the opportunity to blast at him and, at the same time, make my point. That is, if people cared about others on the road while driving, less accidents will happen, for sure.
Yes you should care. For other human's life, for your family's happiness, for your future. And then when it comes to future, you start to get selfish. You'll do things for yourself only. You got opportunity to get scholarship and you'd keep it for yourself and not sharing it cos sharing will decrease the amount of money.... yadi yadi yada and so on. So you see, the world is always and often balanced with 'yes' and 'no', 'light' and 'dark', 'yin' and 'yang'. Matter and anti-matter... Which means there are things that can be cared about and things that you don't need to care about.
So what are the things that you don't need to care about?
Why women are lousy at driving?
Why some rich arse drives a Mercedes but does not respect other smaller car drivers?
Why Bill Gates don't just buy over Linux and Macintosh and dominate the whole software market?
Why don't Dr M shuts up and live like a king?
Why air tickets cost so much?
Why Indonesian actors are so noob? So as Taiwan's comedies?
Why your friends has gf and bf while you don't?
So if you cared about these stuff, what changes would you make? What difference will you make?
Nothing.
Bottomline, if you care too much, you'd get an "8" for your caring. If you don't, you'll be called a "heartless animal". April 19 Point blankIt's been blank lately... My mind that is... I dunno why, whenever I try to start my work, I stare blank at the wall in front. And sometimes, I think of destructive things like drifting in the highway and creating accidents and get out of it without wrecking my car... Or how I would crush one of SMKB's Form 6 student who thinks he's boss and speaks English like he's the Queen's pet.
I've been trying to solve trigo questions given by my maths teacher. When I got stuck, I go blank again... In class, when a teacher starts to bore the class, I go blank again...
Too many blanks... I've been wanting to try Brand's essence of chicken. Untill now, I haven't bought it yet. It's a risk of having upset stomach that I'm willing to take. As long as I can get maths questions done and follow chemistry class, I'd do anything.
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